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| Art by Firestock |
Do you ever notice when you are dealing with a difficult
situation that you know the right way to behave, or the way you would like to
react, but you still do or say something else, something you may regret later?
Why does it happen? The most obvious explanation is: because this is who we
are. If we know we are not usually a kind person, or a patient person, or an
outgoing person, then we don’t act it.
And since our happiness depends a lot on our own behavior, then our
self-identity is a deciding factor is how happy we feel.
Is there anything we can do to go around our own personality
and self-identity?
There is a wise Jewish fairy tale that addresses this
question.
Once there was a
prince who thought he was a rooster. He spent his days sitting naked under a
table in his room, refusing to eat anything except birdseed. The prince’s best
friend tried to coax him from under the table to play. But the prince refused
to even look at him. The prince’s favorite tutor came to talk reason with the
boy and read a book to him. But the prince only turned his head to one side and
cried, “Cock-a-doodle-doo!” The king and the queen were distraught. They
announced a reward for anyone who could cure their son.
Many people
came, tried, and failed. The prince thought he was a rooster, and that was it.
One day, an old man called Ezra arrived at the palace and said that he could
cure the prince in a week.
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| Art by Art Spiegelman |
As soon as he
was inside the room, Ezra took off all his clothes, crawled under the table
next to the prince, and began to peck at the floor. “I am a rooster too,” he
said to the surprised prince. After three days sitting under the table
together, pecking the birdseed, and shouting, “Cock-a-doodle-doo!” they became
great friends.
On the fourth
day, Ezra put his cloths back on. “What are you doing?” protested the prince.
“You are a rooster like me, and roosters do not wear clothes. Take them off!”
“Even though I
am a rooster,” Ezra told the prince, “I prefer to wear clothes. That way I
don’t feel so cold as I sit on the floor. You can do whatever you like, but
this rooster is more comfortable in clothes.”
The prince
thought for a while and then slowly crawled from under the table and put on his
own clothes.
The next
morning, the prince was pecking away at the birdseed on the floor as he and
Ezra did every morning. This morning, though, Ezra fetched the breakfast tray
that the palace servants had left outside the door, as they did every morning.
Ezra put some food on a plate, brought it back under the table, and began to
eat it.
“What are you
doing?” cried the prince. “Roosters eat birdseed, not scrambled eggs and toast.
That is people food, and you are a rooster. Put it back!”
But Ezra
continued to enjoy the food. “I am a rooster, just like you. But roosters are
free to eat whatever food they like. If you prefer the taste of birdseed, then
by all means, continue to eat birdseed. But I like eggs and toast and all sorts
of other foods.”
The prince
thought about it and picked some food from the tray. They spent the rest of the
day as usual, sitting under the table and shouting, “Cock-a-doodle-doo!” But
whenever a meal arrived, they brought it under the table and shared the food.
The next
morning, instead of bringing the food back under the table to eat, Ezra sat on
a chair at the table. After he had eaten, Ezra began to walk around the room
instead of crouching under the table.
“What are you
doing now?” the prince asked suspiciously. “How can you be a rooster if you eat
your meals at the table and walk upright like a man?”
“Just because I
am a rooster does not mean I cannot sit or move around comfortably. Is there
any reason why a rooster cannot do that if he prefers it?”
“I suppose not,”
the prince mumbled after taking some time to think about it. And he too sat
down at the table to eat his breakfast.
That day,
instead of spending his time yelling, “Cock-a-doodle-doo!” Ezra turned to the
prince and asked, “The Sabbath begins this evening. How do you think we should
celebrate it? Even though I am a rooster, I prefer to spend my Sabbath praying
to God, sharing a fine meal, studying the words of the Torah, and being with my
family. Would you like to join me?”
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| Art by Amanda Hall |
There was a long
silence. Then the prince said quietly, “I am still a rooster. But I would like
to celebrate together with my family.”
When the king
and the queen came to the room at the end of the week, the prince walked over and hugged them.
“This is
remarkable!” the king exclaimed as he hugged his son in return. “How did you
manage it?” he asked, turning to Ezra.
“Nothing has
changed,” answered Ezra. “Your son is your son. He always has been and always
will be. He’s still the same inside. The only thing that is different is the
way he behaves. All I taught him is that God gives human beings the ability to
make choices. No matter how we feel on the inside, we can choose to behave
better than we feel.”[i]
Just like the young prince, we tend to speak and act in ways that are consistent with our self-image. If we believe we cannot do something, we can’t. If we believe we can do anything,
we can. And if we believe we are happy, we are.
Even
the Talmud says that God only leads a person along the path that the person
wishes to follow[ii].
That is why only the fairytale prince
himself had the power to change his thinking, behavior, and perception of his life.
Ezra only helped to allow himself to make the choice to do so.
Whatever our personality is and whatever we believe we are, we can control our behavior (and thoughts) if we choose to. You may think you are frugal, but give to the charity. Or you may know that you are strict, but act kindly in some a situation. Or you may believe that you are not very cheerful, but still find joy in life and make yourself happy!
More practical tips on how to become happy here: http://goo.gl/LNLUrd
Happiness the Jewish Way:
A Practical Guide to Happiness
Through the Lens of Jewish Wisdom
[i] Adapted from Shoshana Boyd Gelfand, “The Prince Who Thought He
Was a Rooster”, The Barefoot Book of
Jewish Tales (Concord, MA: Barefoot Books, 2013).
[ii] The
Talmud, Makkot, 10b
